07/13/2015
Here's a little something I wrote the other day. It came from a very real and personal place. -
Ghost Girl:
I've been callin' out your name for what seems like an eternity now and I keep eatin' my words every single time
12 times going on 12,000
You've taken on many a form, but none that see fit to stay long enough to unarm
My arms they hold guns
Loaded with an infinite number rounds of I'm dones
Mostly because, I won't let them, but also because they're all counterfeit and counterproductive
Like, this is not what I saw when I thought I heard you that day
Well come on, I can dream can't I?
I can wish and hope for the day that you're perfect can't I?
I can pray and sojourn until the day I die can't I?
Maybe this was all for not
Not that I'd say it's over, but that I'd say you don't exist
And maybe that's a good thing
But honestly that doesn't slow the sting
It actually quickens the needle in my jugular
Ya see I've been a romantic for as long as I can remember
Pining for the day when good ol' what's her face would come flying in sitting on a chariot of roses pulled by a Pegasus
Or make eye contact with some girl and fall so madly in love that I forget how to breathe
It's sounds stupid I know, but I still dream of that day when I don't have to create these fantasies in my head
But, the story that you are plays itself out instead
You're the only thing I'm slightly optimistic about anymore
Ya see I'm lost without you
Ever since I was a kid I've wanted to do life with someone
I've never understood why people dated around
I've always considered dating as a means to marriage
But discouraged was I by my peers and my parents
I was told to see it as a means of a good time
Well my definition of a good time is giving myself fully to someone and hoping they do the same
Unhinging the door to my heart, reaching into my soul cabinet, and handing over the innermost part of me and asking, "don't break it"
I won't fake it
I'm so goddamn angry right now
I just wish "the one" actually existed
Because that would make this whole thing easier
That way my insides wouldn't always have to be so twisted
By this eternal longing I have at the core of me that has always persisted
Since the dawn of Zack it has been consistent
I have missed you
And I have missed you
At least, that's what I'd like to think
Because even the possibility of us having been in the same room without me knowing is hauntingly comforting
You haunt me
Baby you haunt me
Like my favorite horror movie you haunt me
