Tend Task

Tend Task Relationship coach helping couples thrive at every stage—from engagement through parenthood and beyond. Santa Barbara-based, serving couples nationwide.

Creator of The Alchemy Intensive luxury retreat at Ritz-Carlton Bacara. Celebrant + coach.

08/25/2026

You can define the mental load. Cite the research. Explain exactly why it lands on you.

And you're still the one who books the dental cleanings.

Understanding the system isn't the same as escaping it. All that reading hasn't bought you back a single hour.

You know precisely what's happening to you, and you're still doing it anyway, carrying every task in your head while your own ambition sits in a drawer you haven't had time to clean out.

The sociology doesn't do your laundry. It doesn't clear your calendar. Until the actual mechanics of your life change, you're just a very well-read manager of your own household.

I built a 90-minute workshop for exactly this. It's called Get Your Own Life Back, and it moves you from theory into what actually changes in your house.

Comment LIFE and I'll send you the details.

07/21/2026

If you want your fiancé to do premarital education and he says no, do not marry him.

The engagement window is the clearest look you'll ever get at what your marriage will actually be. He will never be more willing to listen or compromise than he is right now. If you're carrying wedding planning alone and frustrated by it, that's not stress. That's the pattern, and it compounds for the rest of your life.

Comment CALL and I'll send you the booking link.

04/21/2026

The list isn't the problem. The list is proof of the problem.

Sending him tasks keeps you as the project manager. What actually changes this is shared awareness — not shared chores.

What happens when you send a list?

01/27/2026

The patterns you establish during wedding planning—who carries the mental load, who makes sacrifices, who does the invisible work—become your blueprint for marriage.

The Alchemy Intensive breaks that cycle before it starts.

4 days at the Ritz-Carlton Bacara where 10 ambitious couples build the systems and skills that let both partners thrive. Not "fair" division of labor. Not "helping out." True partnership equality.

Plus custom ceremony design that reflects your actual values (not what the wedding industry expects).

This isn't another weekend workshop. This is a complete reimagining of how you'll build your life together.

March 27-30, 2026. Only 10 spots.
Early enrollment ends February 14th.

01/26/2026

One year from now, I want you to look back and say: "Wedding planning brought us closer, not drove us apart."

But right now? These are the REAL searches I'm seeing:

"Wedding planning is ruining our relationship"
"Can wedding planning cause depression?"
"Wedding planning is making me depressed"

Wedding planning stress is about so much more than the venue or budget. It's about confronting the gap between who you want to be as a couple and the patterns you're already falling into.

Research shows couples who claim to plan "together" don't actually divide the labor equally. In one study, the bride did nearly DOUBLE the tasks her fiancé did.

This isn't individual failure. It's deeply embedded cultural scripts that even equality-minded couples struggle against.

Wedding planning is your marriage preview. The dynamics you establish now will likely continue into married life.

Start differently:
→ Talk about WHY you're getting married before you talk centerpieces
→ Check in regularly about invisible labor
→ Make premarital education a priority

Full article breaking down the research + what to do differently in bio

Details on my FREE Shared Values Workshop (code ENGAGED2026) in the article.

Tag a newly engaged couple 💍

01/23/2026

Everyone will ask about your venue, your dress, your flowers.

No one will ask if you're ready for the marriage that follows.

The Alchemy Intensive is where exceptional couples prepare for what actually matters.

Four days of evidence-based relationship transformation at the Ritz-Carlton Bacara. March 27-30, 2026.

Limited to 10 couples.

Early enrollment through February 14. This isn't premarital counseling. This is transformation.

Learn more at the link in bio.

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Santa Barbara, CA
93101–93103, 93105–93111, 93116–93118, 93120–93121, 93130, 93140, 93150,

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