14/05/2026
Following Mother’s Day, we are sharing an article by our colleague, a personal yet research-based reflection on how motherhood and professional life coexist. In it, she explores an experience familiar to many: when different roles intersect, creating both strength and inner contradictions, and shaping a deeper understanding of oneself, work, and everyday choices.
"Yesterday, in a meeting, I was thinking about my kid. Later that evening, with my kid, I was thinking about the meeting. Classic."
I've been working in IT for over ten years. Every day is about people you build something with — tasks, deadlines, and the constant attempt to hold it all together. And alongside that, another role — mom. Also, management, just without the performance review and with much higher stakes.
Two years ago, I started a master's in clinical psychology. Not to change careers, but to deepen my understanding of the people I work with, and of myself in the process. I see how a team performs when everyone in it feels like they belong. I truly believe that's one of the strongest drivers of business success.
There are many moms among my colleagues. They juggle work and motherhood every single day, and often feel like they're always falling short — for someone. That's why I decided to study this properly and wrote my thesis on how motherhood and professional fulfillment coexist in a woman's inner world. 176 moms, validated scales, real data. Over a third — from the IT industry. Here's what I found.
Conflicting feelings about motherhood are not a sign that something is wrong with you. In psychology, it's called ambivalence: love and exhaustion, tenderness and frustration, wanting to be present and needing space — all at once. Rozsika Parker wrote back in the 90s that this very contradiction makes a mother more attuned and reflective if she's given the right to acknowledge those feelings.
The most vulnerable period is the first child's birth. My data showed that mothers with one child experience significantly higher levels of ambivalence than mothers of two or more. First-time motherhood isn't just a "new role." It's an identity shift known as matrescence. Think of it as adolescence, but for becoming a mother. And it needs support, not advice like "just enjoy it."
Here's what surprised me: what intensifies those conflicting feelings the most isn't work taking time away from your child. It's the feeling that motherhood is taking you away —from your career, your growth, yourself. That's where the deepest guilt is born. And this is true for everyone, whether you work full-time, freelance, or are on parental leave.
So what helps? Science says: don't fix yourself, but create the right conditions.
Self-compassion instead of self-criticism. Recognizing that a "good enough mother" is not a compromise but a healthy standard (if you want to go deeper, I recommend Alexandra Sacks' piece "The Good Enough Mother"). A supportive partner and a fair share of responsibilities at home. And a workplace culture that doesn't force a woman to choose between a meeting and her child.
So happy Mother's Day, dear colleagues. To the one who doesn't fit into a single role. Who wants to grow but is afraid it might take something away from her child. Who loves and still doubts. And it's exactly this complexity — the ability to hold ten contexts at once, to read between the lines, to make decisions without full information — that you bring to work every single day."
Olena Ismailova , Scrum Master at Netminds
