06/24/2021
Comparison is killing me slowly. I think I think too much about kids who don’t know me. I’m so sick of myself I'm so sick of myself. I'd rather be, rather be anyone, anyone else. My jealousy, jealousy started following me.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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When I first paid attention to the lyrics of this song, I wished I could hug for capturing a feeling we’ve all had at one point. That ugly feeling of insecurity and jealousy that eats away at you.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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And it’s so true, what she says, I start putting so much stock into what other people think, even when they don’t know me. It makes me want to change my personality, the way I look, who I spend time with, or whatever it is to be able to “fit in.”⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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This is not what I want my life to be marked by. And it makes me feel mad at myself and guilty for having these thoughts. And then it feels like the cycle repeats because I think “these other people don’t ever have thoughts like this.” Which I know is a lie.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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And also, there are so many worse things going on in the world, why does this have to matter so much to me???⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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All of this to say, it’s refreshing to remember that we don’t all have our lives put together perfectly. We’re all just doing our best to survive. And sometimes we take our eyes off of what really matters to worry about things that don’t.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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If you are feeling this way, I’d encourage you to reach out to someone who does know you and who cares about you. I know it helps me to feel grounded and secure when I can be with the people that know the real me.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
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What you do and who you are matters. And sometimes the things that make you different from everyone else are your most valuable assets.