05/16/2023
An example of my writing - an "Opinion Piece" I did for the newspaper last year.
Cutting toxic family members from one’s life is essential for their well-being.
A dominant flaw of society stems from the concept that because you are related to someone by blood, you should “honor” them, no matter what. Rarely do people consider the type of person those individuals might be, good or bad, because they are “family.” This leads to horrifying consequences for those unable or unwilling to leave the toxic environment.
Too often, poor behavior by blood relatives is pushed aside or ignored. “Oh, Uncle George burned down grandma’s house for the insurance. It’s the dirty family secret.” “Aunt Judy has two husbands and two families. Isn’t she funny?” The circumstances don’t matter when it’s “family” as there’s always a justification. “Uncle Trevor was only being friendly. Go sit on his lap and stop making a scene.”
Yet, when it’s someone not family, then the wrath descends, even in identical circumstances. “Gladys from down the street wrecked her car so she could get a new one. They should take away her license.” “Did you hear what that man did to that little girl? I hope he gets the death penalty.” Too many people have blinders on when it comes to their families, and it’s dangerous. The world is full of people justifying the actions of family.
It doesn’t have to be extreme cases. There might be small, continuous events lasting throughout childhood, while a child can’t do anything about their circumstances. Every day whittles at another part of their soul until they escape, one way or another. Sometimes the trauma is so harmful that the child never realizes the extent of how they were manipulated until they are much older.
Manipulative people are great at wearing masks. To an outsider, the individual may help their community, volunteer their time, and be a sweet person to everyone they meet. Often all who know them love them, except perhaps, the abused child. They have witnessed the monster behind the façade, who only emerges when no one else is present.
The abuser has complete control because the child doesn’t know things could be different. The abuser might force them to become someone they aren’t or participate in activities they don’t want to do. Alternatively, they keep them from attaining joy in their life. If it’s something they want, they can’t have it, because “I said so.” If it's an activity they don’t want to do, they have to anyway because “I said so.” Manipulators have the ability to mess with minds by being smooth talkers, making the abused question themselves. “Gaslighting” is a popular term of late: “to psychologically manipulate (a person) usually over an extended period so that the victim questions the validity of their own thoughts, perception of reality, or memories and experiences confusion, loss of confidence and self-esteem, and doubts concerning their own emotional or mental stability.” (Source: Merriam-Webster Dictionary.)
There comes a time when many of the abused might say, "Enough is enough," but they continue contact because they feel obligated. In reality, the best thing they could do is to walk away. Not going to another city or another state, not visiting on Christmas and calling on birthdays, but truly walking away. Permanently.
Cutting out toxic relations is like pruning a dying houseplant. The fern is big and bushy, and from a distance, it appears healthy, but when you get up close, you notice the flaws. Stalks have broken, and leaves have turned yellow or cracked. While there might be some good pieces within, it takes a skilled hand to clear away the dead and the dying. Sometimes it might cut the plant back to only a few healthy stalks, losing all its bulk and weight. However, there beneath the soil are healthy and still thriving roots. Take a pair of scissors to the rot and decay. With time and care, the plant will return to a healthier state, and often, it’ll be bigger, fuller, and thrive longer.
